Misix Library

R.I.P., Summer Blockbuster Season

August 10, 2015

Movie_Quality_Index_Data_20150810

 

8/7/2015 - 8/9/2015

Movie TitleIndex Value
Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation82.33
Fantastic Four25.00
The Gift82.67
Vacation39.67
Ant-Man73.67
Minions59.00
Ricki and the Flash58.67
Trainwreck76.33
Pixels33.00
Southpaw65.00
Misix Movie Quality Index Value59.53

On Friday afternoon, Aug. 7, Summer Blockbuster Season passed away peacefully due to general lethargy and creative differences. He was 126 days old.

Mr. Season was born prematurely Friday, April 3, when Furious 7 debuted in theaters and surprised everyone by earning more than $143.6 million over the next three days. Despite slowly growing weaker during a difficult month that followed, he exhibited strength and determination by holding on until reaching what many experts said would be his original due date: Friday, May 1 — the release of Avengers: Age of Ultron.

In his early days, Mr. Season proved to be a wild and rambunctious sort. One moment would find him fending off seemingly indestructible robots who gained sentience after beginning life as well-meaning artificial intelligence, and the next took him across Europe to participate in hastily constructed a capella competitions. He was even known to take wild risks, like constructing a multimillion-dollar, CGI-heavy family film around one section of a Disney theme park.

Ultimately, Mr. Season worked his way through his rebellious phase — as we all do — and settled into a safe, reliable existence built on proven names and well-known franchises. When he got back together with Steven Spielberg in early June, many naysayers doubted the union and predicted a quick, messy end for the pair. But the relationship thrived thanks to substantial contributions from their friends, Colin and Chris, who helped Mr. Season enter what became known as the golden days of his all-too-brief life.

During those four weeks of June pushing into early July, Jurassic World made more than $556.5 million, providing fond memories for Mr. Season and all who knew him. He even saw the arrival of children during this time of his life, with Inside Out and Minions bringing a renewed vigor as he entered middle-age.

The good times couldn’t last, however, and those close to him noticed him slowing considerably as the weeks passed. Ant-Man and Mission: Impossible — Rogue Nation performed admirably despite low expectations, but the sparkle and energy that were present just a short time before had faded, never to return.

Mr. Season’s passing last Friday didn’t come as a surprise to those who knew him well. His gracious nature wouldn’t permit such speculation, but whispers indicate Fantastic Four played a significant role in his demise. In an already weakened state, he found it difficult to deal with the infighting, backstabbing and excuse-making that accompanied the quartet’s troubled arrival. As a result, he faded quietly in a dignified manner that typified his life.

Mr. Season is survived by two children, Awards Season and Dumpuary.

 

The weekend ahead: In case the previous paragraphs were too subtle, we don’t feel particularly great about what’s in store for moviegoers over the next several weeks — at least from an earnings perspective. After reviewing the scheduled releases, there just doesn’t seem to be one that will rake in monster bucks.

That’s not to say there isn’t quality hiding among the crap that usually dominates this part of the calendar. Early talk for Straight Outta Compton is largely positive, and we imagine that will end up being the smart choice for the coming weekend. Beyond that, there’s pretty good buzz around American Ultra, which will likely follow in the footsteps of This Is the End and Pineapple Express as an R-rated moneymaker while simultaneously serving as the summer season’s death rattle.

Enjoy it, because it’s nothing but garbage until we get a little glimmer of hope when Black Mass debuts Sept. 18. And with Johnny Depp’s track record lately, even that isn’t a safe bet.

 

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